I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
