Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
