we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
