Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Randomize
