This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
