You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
