i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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