so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
