Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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