yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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