Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
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David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize