we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
