I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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