Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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