It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
