I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
