I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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