best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
