I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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