I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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