I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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