Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
