white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Randomize
