we have pet lesbian snakes
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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