So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
