I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
