maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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