im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
