I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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