you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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