We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
only you would photoshop your dick
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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