I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
