Have you finally orgasmed yet?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
