you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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