I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
