I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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