Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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