i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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