So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
where does the pee come out of this thing
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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