my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Fuck appropriateness.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
