three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just had sex on a roof
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
