Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I will pee on everything he values.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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