wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
