**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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