I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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