do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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