He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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