I am in a vortex of obligation.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
