I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
