bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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