the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
