New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
