I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
