I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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