Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
