I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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