I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
