i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
