he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.