It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.