smell my finger.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
my liver is dry heaving
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn