I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.