i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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