I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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