i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
whose ass print is on the piano?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
