why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
