you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think i got beer on your cat.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
