Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
