Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
