The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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