i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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